Venting...

I haven't had a night terror in almost a year. I guess they never really go away. I have to learn to depend on people but its hard when so many have let me down. I asked God for a good girl and he sent me a great woman. I try my best not to take her for granted, but I do from time to time. She is so understanding and patient with me. I couldn't ask for a better woman. I think the distance is starting to become a factor because we are so busy. I can make music anywhere, I just want to be where she is. I'm working so hard to be successful that I'm forgetting what and who I'm working for. When she says,"baby, I wanna go to Hawaii" I don't want to be like we will see, I want to just worry about when. I want to buy her extravagant gifts, not because she wants it but because she deserves it. I want her to have the world at her fingertips even if she doesn't want it. What is a dream without the right person to share it...?

"I'm swimming in the smoke, of bridges I have burned, so don't apologize, I'm losing what I don't deserve..." ««- explains the way I feel about a lot of things...

I need a job. I can't get an interview. I want to go to school. I can't go cuz I need a job. I want to be a graphic desginer, which I can't do cuz I have to go school, which I can't do cuz I need a job.

Honestly, I feel like the biggest jerk in the world right now. This woman has been there for me during the worst times of my life and I can't do something as simple as make a phone call. I have been so caught up in my own life that I'm forgetting the people that love and support me. If this is how I'm going to be if I pursue this, I ask God to show me a different direction....

My true mission is one of wisdom, justice, and love. I must use my wisdom to show the world how to love to create true justice and equality...

The person I was before her, is nowhere near the man I am now. I'm better with her than I am without her...

What if all this is just a phase...? What if I can't keep being productive...? I'm working as much as I can cuz I don't know when it could all be over...

The one question I get asked repeatedly is why am I still here...and truthfully I'm scared...but I'm tired of that shit...if its time for me to leave VA then so be it...

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry